Paperwork, Tardiness and Hokagesama
by Raziel12
Summary: Kakashi finds himself in the rather unfortunate position of Rokudaime. His assistant? Sakura. Can he survive the dangers of paperwork, tardiness and and an assistant who just looks so damn fetching in a skirt?
1. Chapter 1

**Paperwork, Tardiness and Hokage-sama**

"Hokage-sama, it's time to get up."

Kakashi groaned and rolled over. At any other time he would have been more than happy to be woken from his slumber by a beautiful woman. However, it was 6:30 AM on a Monday morning and the woman in question was Sakura. For a moment he contemplated simply tugging her into bed beside him then thought better of it. She'd been very, very clear about what sort of conduct she expected of him. He either kept his hands off… or she'd take them off for him – at the wrists.

"Hokage-sama…" she was tapping one foot against the floor and even with his eyes closed he could imagine what she looked like, those gorgeous emerald eyes of her glittering with aggravation. Maybe he should just yank her into bed…

"Hokage-sama!" she growled. "I know you're awake! Get up."

He gulped. He knew that tone. It was something she'd picked up from the Godaime and failure to comply was usually accompanied by a chakra-enhanced blow. "You know, Sakura," he drawled. "There are nicer ways to wake me up."

She raised one delicate pink eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yes." He gave her a cheerful wink and he knew, he really, really knew that he should stop there but there was just something about his lovely former student that made appropriate behaviour almost impossible. "Why there was this scene in _Icha Icha_…"

And that was as far as he got before she sent him flying into the wall with one petite fist. He hit the wall with a thump, noting with something akin to amusement that her aim had improved. Not only had she managed to avoid sending him into any furniture, she'd embedded him into the only bare space on the wall.

"You have fifteen minutes, Hokage-sama. If you aren't out there reviewing today's paper work, so help me…" She cracked her knuckles and stomped over to glare down at him as he slid off the wall. "I will not be responsible for what happens to you."

"You know, it's treason to threaten the Hokage." From his angle he could almost see under the hem of that wonderful pencil skirt of hers. Hmmm… now how could he turn his head without making it too obvious?

Her eyes narrowed as she turned giving him exactly the view that he was looking for. Ah, black lace. Wonderful. When she turned back to him, she had a heavy book in her hands. "Read page 200, Hokage-sama." And with that she turned, nearly decapitating him as she dropped the book beside his head and stalked out of the room.

"Page 200, eh?" He rolled over and flipped the book open. A moment later his eye twitched as he read the relevant passage aloud. "And the Hokage's assistant shall be given full authority to do whatever is necessary to ensure the Hokage's utmost productivity." He dropped the book. "Sakura," he shouted. "Tell me this is some kind of joke?"

"Joke?" Sakura shouted back, her voice echoing in through the door. "I'm afraid not. Shizune had it passed a few weeks after Tsunade-sama took over as Godaime."

Shizune… he should have known. Trust her to spoil the fun of near absolute power. Then again, given Tsunade's predilection towards booze and gambling it had probably been necessary. He was just lucky they hadn't outlawed porn.

"Hokage-sama." Sakura's voice was a cheerful singsong. "I don't hear you getting ready."

"I'm up, I'm up," he grumbled.

Still, he took his time getting ready. Just the thought of all the paperwork on his desk made him want to run screaming out of the tower. Of course, he wouldn't get far. In fact the last time he'd tried Sakura had dragged him back inside of an hour. It was at once oddly comforting and utterly disturbing that she knew him so well. Her reaction had surprised him even more. Rather than yell, she'd simply given him a wry smile and leaned over his shoulder to supervise him as he trawled through all the paperwork that he'd missed.

A good man would have been happy to still have all their limbs attached after running away. Kakashi was not a good man. He'd completed the paperwork in a daze, his mind lost in the warmth of her presence and the subtle scent that seemed to be uniquely Sakura. It was a miracle his mouth hadn't run away with him – he'd had more than one _Icha Icha_ inspired fantasy involving her and his office table – or else the village would have been down another Hokage.

"Hokage-sama," Sakura called in a tone that brooked no disobedience. "Hurry up."

How had it come to this? He, the great copy ninja reduced to a glorified bureaucrat. If he were lucky he'd get to die in battle like most of the other Hokage's. Take the Yondaime, for instance. Not only had his sensei died defending the village, he'd died holding off a creature that most people considered utterly invincible. And what about the Sandaime? The old man had died absolutely covered in glory, defending his village against Orochimaru.

But where did that leave him? If the stress of the job didn't kill him then his lovely assistant probably would. One day he'd be a little too slow looking away, or perhaps his glance would be a little too obvious then… WHACK. He could see the headlines now: Rokudaime beaten to death by enraged assistant: perverted behaviour thought to be the cause.

"Honestly, Kakashi, are you dragging your feet again?"

He blinked and looked up to find Sakura looking at him from the door. She'd used his name, something she hadn't done in a while.

"Sakura?"

She stepped forward and he had to stop himself from following the sway of her hips. He really was pathetic. "Well I've been calling 'Hokage-sama' for the past few minutes and you weren't replying so I thought I'd try your name."

"Oh." He could think a few other scenarios in which she'd be calling 'Hokage-sama'… "I was just thinking."

"Really?" Her eyes twinkled with amusement and he idly wondered where his angry Sakura had gone… not that he minded playful Sakura. "About what?"

"Stuff." He mentally slapped himself. Stuff? Was that honestly the best he could do? There went his chance to say something deep, meaningful and profound. "You know, Hokage stuff." And that… that wasn't much better.

"Hokage stuff, huh?" Sakura bit her lip and he had to struggle to keep eye contact. "Somehow I doubt that."

"Well what else would I be…" he trailed off as Sakura walked slowly towards him. "Thinking about?"

"Lots of things." She was right next to him now, so close he could smell the strawberry shampoo that she used. Her voice dropped to a husky whisper. "Perverted things."

He was so dead. She must have seen him trying to look under her skirt earlier. Any minute now she was going to pummel him and then they'd find his corpse and… "I…"

She placed one finger on his lips. "Don't try and deny it Ka-ka-shi." She let the syllables of his name roll off her tongue and he had to force himself to stay still. Sucking her finger would probably get him killed at this point.

"Umm… oops?"

She laughed. "Oops?" Sakura managed between bouts of laughter. "Oops? That's all you've got to say, oh master of a thousand lame excuses. Oops?"

All right, now he was truly and utterly confused.

"Oh, Kakashi," she said as she managed to regain control of herself. "I know you don't like this job and I know that I can be tough on you, but you are doing a good job."

"Really?" He chuckled weakly. "You could have fooled me."

She nodded. "All things considered." Then she was serious Sakura again, her eyes twin pools of green ice. "Still… that doesn't mean I can continue to tolerate your tardiness." She was so close to him now that if he just leaned forward… "Now there are two ways that I can try and change your behaviour."

"Huh?"

"I could try punishing you," Sakura's smile turned malevolent. "You know, take away your _Icha Icha_ if you don't work, that sort of thing." He blanched. "Or," and here her expression changed yet again, became, almost… seductive… "I could try some positive reinforcement."

"Positive reinforcement?" Like all ninja he was familiar with the basics of psychology, but he couldn't really see what it had to do with the current situation unless... something that might have been hope flared inside him. "What sort of positive reinforcement?"

She smiled slowly and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I know that you saw what colour my panties are." He stopped breathing. "So tell me, do you like black?"

"Yes…" That was it. His mind had officially shut down. This had to be some sort of dream. Either that or he was dead and in his version of paradise. "I like black very much."

"And what about red?" She wrapped her arms around his neck and he felt her lips touch his ear. "Like the ones I was wearing yesterday."

"You… you saw me looking yesterday?"

She chuckled softly. "Look underneath the underneath, isn't that what you always say? I happen to know for a fact that you sneak a look at me whenever you think I'm not looking."

"Oh." Once again she'd caught him off guard and he had to wonder just what else she was keeping from him.

"So… about your positive reinforcement…" Sakura shifted so that they were pressed body to body. "You finish all of your paper work today and maybe you'll find out if my bra matches my panties."

He blinked. "What?" She couldn't be serious. But she was, oh if the small smirk on her face was anything to go by, she was. How had he missed this?

"You heard me." She eased away and sashayed over to the door, turning to look over her shoulder at first him then the clock behind him. "Hmmm… you're already running an hour late. You'd better hurry then, if you want to finish your paperwork that is."

For several long moments Kakashi simply stood there not quite able to believe what had occurred. Had his sweet, innocent Sakura just propositioned him? It was enough to make the mind boggle… in very pleasant ways. Where had been the fist to the face he'd been expecting?

"Hokage-sama," Sakura sang from outside the door. "You're wasting time."

Oh. Paperwork. Sakura. Time. Bra.

If Kakashi was a good man he'd march right up to her and tell her that the deal was off, that she didn't need to bribe him to get his paperwork done. But Kakashi was not a good man. He was Hokage and right now he had a hell of a lot of paperwork to get through.

X X X X

Author's Notes

Okay… this is basically something that just popped into my head yesterday and I thought I'd put pen to paper… or rather, finger to keyboard. While this is theoretically a one-shot, I do have some vague notions of extending it, possibly with excerpts from the lives of the other Hokage's. Naruto in particular seems like he'd be quite humorous to write about, particularly when it comes to Hokage/Clan relations with a certain lavender-eyed future clan leader. If you thought Kakashi was dense, he's got nothing on Naruto.

As always, I appreciate your feedback.


	2. Chapter 2

**Desks, Letter Openers, and Privacy**

Sakura's eye twitched. "Kakashi, we are not having sex in your office."

Okay, so maybe just flat out asking her hadn't been the best idea. How about a change in direction? "Well, when you think about some of the other things we've done…" He trailed off as she slowly and deliberately reached for the letter opener he kept on his desk. Note to self: make sure that all sharp objects have been removed _before_ propositioning Sakura.

"Don't even think of using that as an argument, Hatake." She gave him a glare that would have done Anko proud.

He felt his pulse quicken. Did she have any idea just how delectable she looked with that murderous gleam in her eyes? Probably not. It was time to bring out the big guns. Smirking, he began to take off his mask.

"What are you doing?" Sakura snapped before her eyes widened. "Do not take off that mask!"

He slid the mask off and gave her his best bedroom smile. Oh yes, he thought as her cheeks flushed in that utterly fetching way of hers. He might be getting on in years, but damn if he still didn't have what it took to sweep a girl off her feet. Over the years, she'd developed quite the weakness for his uncovered face and he didn't feel the least bit guilty in exploiting it. How could he, when she knew all of his weaknesses and took ruthless advantage of them every day? How else had she managed to more than triple his productivity in the past month alone?

"Don't tell me you haven't thought about it," Kakashi murmured as he moved from behind his desk to stand just behind her, his mouth pressed against the nape of her neck. "I know I have."

She shoved away from him. Damn him and his bedroom eyes… and voice… and… and smile… and just… just damn him. "Kakashi…"

"Are you worried that we might get caught?" She looked away and he grinned. So that was what it? How very… intriguing. "I could lock the door, you know, and close the blinds." He moved close, noting with no small amount of amusement that for every step forward he took, she took an equally big step backward.

"That… that's not the point." Sakura gulped as she felt the edge of his desk press up against her. "It's your office…"

"Yes," Kakashi drawled. "Which is funny, because that never seemed to bother you when you were prancing around in those skirts of yours or those shorts." He had her backed right up against the table now and he let his hands rest on her hips as he leaned in to kiss the base of her throat. "You might be my assistant, Sakura, but have you forgotten just who is supposed to be in charge here?"

Sakura moaned and fought to clear her head. They couldn't do this, because if they did then they'd never get any work done around the office. And as good as the sex would be – and it would be very, very good – she had no desire to be hauled up in front of the council to explain just why Kakashi's productivity had plummeted back to its previous levels.

"Kakashi," she moaned, trying to squirm free as her hands roamed the desk for something, anything, to distract him. "You've…still… got… so much… paperwork…"

"Paperwork?" He chuckled and lifted her up onto the desk. "Don't worry, I promise I'll have it done on time."

She groaned. His hands, those damn talented hands of his. "But… they'll hear us."

Kakashi paused for a moment and looked down at the woman in his arms. She was so beautiful, looking up at him with those eyes, her lips parted just so, her breath coming in short, excited little gasps. "Then we'd best be quiet, hadn't we?" he murmured as he lowered his lips to hers, swallowing her gasp of pleasure.

X X X X

Hinata hid her laugh behind her hand as she watched Naruto strut down the corridor to the Hokage's office.

"I can't wait to tell everybody about the mission!" he crowed. "I can just imagine the look on that jerk Sasuke's face when he finds out that _we_ were the ones to rescue the daimyo's daughter. I bet he'll be crying himself to sleep for weeks."

"The mission did go quite well." She blushed as Naruto beamed at her. It really was quite hard not to get caught up in his enthusiasm and his eyes were so very blue.

"Quite well?" Naruto laughed and swept her up in his arms, swinging her around in lazy circles. "Not only did we save the daimyo's daughter, but we wiped out a horde of mercenaries and enemy ninja and we still managed to get back here in one piece!" He set her down and smiled that wonderful smile of his that always made her go weak at the knees. "This'll show those jerks on the council that I've got what it takes to be Hokage and it's all thanks to you, Hinata."

"Oh… um… I didn't do that much." She looked down, unable to meet the brightness of his gaze.

"Hey!" Naruto said, tipping her chin up. She felt her heart flutter. "Don't do that. If it hadn't been for you I'd have been killed at least twice back there, so don't get down on yourself."

He really was sweet, she thought. She hadn't looked away because she'd been ashamed. No, she looked away because she hadn't been able to think of anything to say with him so close to her.

"And when I'm Hokage, I'll have this whole place redecorated – it could really use more orange." He looked at her and grinned. "And I'll need an assistant too, you know. I think you'd make an awesome assistant, Hinata."

The rational part of her wanted to point out all of the things wrong with what he'd just said. After all, not only would the sombre interior of the tower look terrible in orange, but also as the future leader of her clan there was no way that she could ever be his assistant. Then again this was Naruto, and if anyone could do the impossible it would be him. "I think that would be great."

"Well of course it would be," he said, flashing her a jaunty smile. "After all, I thought of it. Now come on, let's go give our report so we can hit the town!"

She couldn't stop herself from smiling. "Okay."

Suddenly he tensed and stopped, eyes closed, listening keenly. "Wait… do you here that?"

"Hear what?" she asked, startled by the sudden shift in his demeanour. His eyes were blue steel now, with no trace of merriment in them. This wasn't Naruto the happy-go-lucky prankster she'd been talking to only a moment ago. This was Naruto the ninja, the one destined to become Hokage. "I… I don't hear anything."

He pressed his ear to the door of the Hokage's office. "It sounds like a struggle." His eyes narrowed and she felt the air around them crackle with power. "I think I heard Sakura!"

Hinata's eyes widened. Struggle? Was someone trying to assassinate the Hokage? Quickly, she activated her byakugan and peered through the wall. She could hardly stand by if someone was trying to hurt the Hokage… oh… her cheeks flushed and she swayed on her feet… oh my. Sakura and the Hokage were… were… she tilted her head to one side… Sakura really was flexible…

"Hinata?" Naruto shouted. "What's going on in there? Damn it!"

"Huh?" She shook herself out of her reverie just in time to see Naruto draw his foot back to kick the door. "Naruto!" she shouted.

CRASH!

"Wait…" she finished lamely as the door flew off its hinges.

"Sakura!" Naruto roared as he leapt into the room, a rasengan already in his hand. Then he stopped… and stared. Sakura and Kakashi were on the desk and they were… were… "OH MY GOD!" he shrieked before he stumbled from the room, one hand over his eyes, the other waving blindly in front of him.

Hinata winced as Naruto slammed into one of the walls before shambling down the hallway. Just before she moved to go after him she heard the Hokage speak.

"You know, Sakura, it could have been worse. It was only Naruto."

Dead silence greeted his statement and Hinata winced again. Even she knew that was exactly the wrong thing to say.

"You have exactly five seconds to get off me, Hatake."

More silence.

"Sakura…"

"Five."

"Hey… wait… put that down… that's sharp!"

Hinata's eyes widened. Was the mighty copy-ninja… afraid?

"Four."

"Come on, Sakura, be reasonable."

"Three." Sakura's voice was ice.

And then Hinata was treated to the sight of her Hokage's bare backside as he fled down the corridor. A few moments later, Sakura emerged fully clothed, idly twirling a letter opener in her hands.

"Hinata, did you happen to see the Hokage?" Sakura asked, a little too calmly.

"Um…" Hinata considered herself a loyal servant of Konoha but there was something just a little unsettling in Sakura's eyes, something that did not bode well for her if she chose to cover for the silver-haired Hokage. "He went that way."

X X X X

It was one thing to know that two of your best friends were involved in a relationship, Naruto thought, quite another, altogether more traumatising thing, to see them consummating said relationship on a table. If there were some way of burning the image out of his head he'd gladly take it. Maybe there was some funny sharingan thing that Sasuke could do…

"Ummm… Naruto, are you okay?"

He blinked and looked up from his ramen. "Oh. Hey. Hinata."

She took a seat beside him and frowned. His ramen was cold. That was not a good sign. "Are you… okay?"

"Yeah… yeah I am…." He trailed off. "It's just… yeah."

She smiled softly.

"I mean…" He slanted her a curious look. "I mean… you're taking this better than I am."

"Oh." She looked down and blushed. "It's not the first time I… I've walked in on someone."

"Huh?"

She lowered her voice. "Neji and Ten Ten."

Naruto looked shocked. "But… don't you guys all have the byakugan and stuff?"

"Yes, but we try not to use it in the house. People do appreciate their privacy."

He laughed. "I've got to ask Neji about that sometime." He flinched at her glare. It wasn't often that Hinata looked at him like that. "Or… maybe not."

"Good."

Naruto looked back at his ramen. That desk, the moment he became Hokage he was going to burn that desk. Never mind that all of the Hokage's before him had used it, there was no way he was going to spend his days writing on something that Sakura and Kakashi had… had… gah. "Hey, Hinata, you know the laws about being Hokage pretty well, right?"

She nodded. "It's part of my training as the clan heir."

"I don't have to keep that desk do I?"

"What desk? Oh." She felt her whole face redden. "Um… I don't think so… I mean… it's… it's just a desk."

"Good, because there's no damn way I'm using it and you can bet that when I'm Hokage I won't be doing stuff like that with my assistant."

Hinata froze. Doing stuff like that with his assistant? Hadn't he wanted her to be his assistant? Naruto and her… and that desk and… oh… oh my.

"Hinata!" Naruto dove forward just in time to catch her before she hit the ground.

"No," Hinata murmured, a silly smile on her face. "We can't… not in your office, Naruto."

X X X X

It was two days before Naruto and Hinata finally worked up the courage to give their mission report. And if they had any questions as to why the Hokage looked like he'd been run over by a lawnmower or why Sakura was wearing quite possibly the frumpiest outfit they'd ever seen, then they wisely kept their questions to themselves.

X X X X

Author's Notes

Standard disclaimer: I neither own Naruto, nor am I make a dime off of this.

Things have a funny way of going wrong, even when they're going very, very right. I thought about a number of things I could have as the second chapter but settled on this one.

As always, I appreciate your feedback.


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